EEnE's Crazy Holiday Tales
by Half-Wit Ed-Boy
Summary: Just a collection of Christmasthemed oneshots, and maybe a few twoshots...
1. Chapter 1

**Ed, Edd n Eddy's Crazy Holiday Tales**

**A fanfic by: Half-wit Ed-boy**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my OCs.**

**Chapter 1: Summertime ED-mas**

For some odd reason, the first day of Summer Vacation is always one of the sunniest days of summer, and this May the 28th is no exception. Even though it's nine o'clock, the thermometer already reads 75 degrees Fahrenheit, and there's not a cloud in the sky or a breeze blowing to keep the heat down, so the temperature keeps rising by the minute.

By now you're probably asking, "What the heck is a story set in the summertime doing in a collection of Christmas-themed fanfics?" Well, you're about to find out…

Carrie is suddenly woken by her alarm clock. Surprised, she screams in fear and confusion, but once she discovers the source of the sound, she calms down.

"Oh, it's just you again!" The blonde-headed teenager says. "For some reason, I feel like today's no ordinary day…maybe I should check my calendar. Wait! I haven't changed the date on my calendar in a long time, so I better do that real quick!"

Carrie crawls out from under the couch and runs to the wall, where her calendar is hanging. According to the date, it is Dec. 23. She tears a page from it and now it reads Dec. 24: Christmas Eve.

"Yay, it's Christmas Eve!!!!" Carrie cheers. "I better go tell Ed!!!!" Carrie runs out the door, not taking time to notice that her calendar hasn't been changed since Dec. 23 OF LAST YEAR!!!!!!

About an hour later, Eddy and Double D are recovering from another failed scam.

"Eddy, I told you trying to sell all of my old inventions would fail unless you let me repair them first!!!!" Eddy just sits on the sidewalk and scowls.

"This is all Ed's fault!!! If he would've helped, we'd be rolling in jawbreakers right now!!!!"

"Well, he had company over. For some reason, Carrie had some important news to tell him," Double D's statement seems to make Eddy perk up.

"I bet she finally came to her senses and realized that she likes me, Eddy!!!!!" Eddy cries, feeling a whole lot better than he was a few seconds ago.

"I highly doubt that, Eddy. You and Carrie have absolutely nothing in common."

"Oh, yeah, well, um, we both like jawbreakers!"

"Eddy, everyone in the cul-de-sac likes jawbreakers!"

"And, um, we both breathe air!!!"

"So does everyone else, except for Grim. He doesn't have lungs."

"And the most important thing we have in common is that we both…"

"EDDY!!!!!" A familiar voice calls out, interrupting the loud-mouthed Ed-boy. Eddy and Double D turn in the direction of Ed's house to see the Ed-boy and his girlfriend running at them.

"Why, hello, Ed!" Double D says politely. "Good morning Carrie!"

"Guess what Carrie told me, guys!!" Ed says, hopping up and down. "IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE MORNING!!!!!!!!!!"

"Huh?" Eddy and Double D say while looking at each other.

"In other words, IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!!!!!!"

"Um, I'm sorry to rain on your parade, but it's not Christmas," Double D says calmly.

"But-but, that's what my calendar said, and it's never lied to me before!" Carrie says.

"Yeah, and Carrie has never lied to _me_ before either, Double D!"

"Ed, it's nowhere near Christmas! It's May!!!!"

"That's correct, Eddy! It's Christmas _Eve!_"

"You guys, Christmas is a long time away!"

"Uh, huh," Carrie says in agreement while nodding her head. "Christmas is about…" Carrie looks down at her watch, "eleven hours, forty-three minutes, and eighteen seconds!"

"Hold it, hold it!!!" Eddy shouts. "First of all, when did Carrie start wearing a watch? And second of all, IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"IS TOO, EDDY!!!!!!!!" Ed shouts back.

"Ed, you're such an idiot! It's freaking May! It's eighty-three degrees, the sun's shining, and there's not a flake of snow on the ground!!!!"

"Shut up, Eddy!!! It is, too, Christmas! See, I got Christmas carols, some tinsel, a string of lights, and Carrie has a wreath hanging around her neck! If that doesn't say it's Christmas, then let me suddenly become Matt Hill!"

"C'mon! Let's go to Ed's house and show you the decorations!!!!" Carrie runs back to Ed's house. Ed grabs Eddy and Double D and follows.

In Ed's room, Ed has a fully decorated Christmas tree, a wreath hanging on his bedroom and bathroom doors and window, an electric train going around and around the base of the tree, and all of Ed's B-movie posters are replaced with Christmas-themed horror movies such as "The Killer Santa from Planet Chestnut", "Attack of the 50 ft. Yule Logs", and "I was a Red-Nosed Vampire Reindeer Zombie part III: Blitzen Destroys Pluto!"

Double D looks around the room and asks, "Is this what you two did this morning?"

"Yes!" Carrie answers while eating a Christmas cookie.

"Ed, why the heck do you have a tree in your room?"

"Doesn't everyone?" Ed asks.

"I don't. You, Double D?"

"No, I don't."

"You guys better hurry! Santa comes tonight and if you don't have your tree up, he won't leave you any presents!"

"I know what you guys need to get into the spirit: CHRISTMAS CAROLS!!!!!!!" Carrie gives everyone a songbook.

"That's a great idea, Carrie! I'll start!" Ed clears his voice and sings, "On the first day of Christmas, my true-love gave to me, a chicken eating gra-vy!! TAKE IT AWAY, EDDY!!!" Ed shines a spotlight on Eddy, but all he does is fold his arms. A vein bulges on his forehead. "Eddy, you're supposed to sing the next line!"

"I'm not singing Christmas songs in May!!!"

"I can't believe it! It's almost Christmas and you guys aren't even in the spirit!" Carrie wails.

"Well, Carrie, we would be if it actually _were _Christmas!" The brainy Ed-boy tries to explain.

Suddenly, Sarah barges into Ed's room.

"ED!!!! MOM SAYS…Ed, why the heck do you have all the Christmas decorations up?" Sarah asks, looking around the room.

"We shouldn't be fighting, Sarah. It's the holidays!!!!"

"Ed, you're scaring me!" Carrie grabs Sarah's arm.

"C'mon, Sarah, let's sing a Christmas carol!!!" Carrie starts to sing, but Sarah stuffs a bowling ball in her mouth. This surprises Carrie at first, but then she swallows it.

"You all are a bunch of nut-jobs!" Sarah shouts.

"Ed and Carrie, I'm sorry, but you two are acting more ridiculous than usual," Double D adds.

"Yeah…wait! Christmas equals mistletoe and mistletoe equals kiss from Carrie!!! If I play along, I might be able to steal Carrie away from Ed!" Eddy laughs sinisterly. "Ed and Carrie's right, Double D. We should get into the spirit more, and what better way than with mistletoe?" Eddy dangles a sprig of the plant over Carrie's head. Eddy puckers up, but Carrie pulls out a bowl of some white gunk and shoves a spoonful in Eddy's mouth. Eddy gags and his face turns green.

"Do you like the figgy pudding I made? I didn't know the recipe, so I just mixed a bunch of different pudding mixes together and let Ed's gym-socks soak in them."

"That's it! I'm getting off the loony express!" Sarah says. "Crazy bunch of freaks…" Sarah starts out the door but is stopped by her brother.

"Wait, Sarah, we have to wrap Christmas presents!" Ed says, dragging her back in his room.

"What the?! I'm not spending the rest of my afternoon wrapping Christmas presents in the middle of May!!!! I have scamming to do!"

Five minutes later, Eddy, Sarah, Double D, Carrie, and Ed are sitting on Ed's cold, damp, concrete floor and are, you guessed it, wrapping presents.

"I can't believe I'm spending the day wrapping Christmas presents in the middle of May when I could be scamming!" Eddy grumbles.

Ignoring his friend, Ed finishes wrapping a box of Lego's. Carrie takes it out of his hands and shakes it.

"Oh, I wonder what this could be?" Carrie asks.

Ed takes the box and shakes it close to his ear. "It sounds like gravy mix!!!"

Sarah looks over at them and mumbles, "Idiots…"

"Well, we're finished, Ed. I'm going home to, uh, clean my room!" Double D stands up to leave but is stopped by his friend.

"Hold on there, matey! We still have to watch Christmas specials before bed!" Eddy groans with disgust.

"Yay, cartoons!" Carrie cheers.

Ed pops a VHS tape into his VCR. "We will watch _The Cartoon Network Cartoon Christmas special_! It features cartoons from every cartoon that has ever aired on Cartoon Network!" Everyone sits down in front of Ed's TV.

Fifteen minutes into the movie…

"_GOKU!!!! STOP EATING THE CANDY CANES OFF THE TREE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND NARUTO, STOP EATING ALL THE RAMEN FROM THE BUFFET TABLE!!!!!!!!"_ A voice from the TV screams.

"_Well, now that we've all eaten, let's sing Christmas carols!!!" _Lazlo exclaims. Then everyone gathers around a piano and begins to sing.

"_OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Orihime would cook the meal…"_

"_WORK!!!!" Eustace screams._

"_Samurai Jack would cut down a tree…"_

"_GARDENING!!!!" Chicken exclaims, not in a festive mood like the others._

"_The Red Guy would get in the way…"_

"_FIGHTING!!!! Big, fat, hairy deal!" Meowth says._

"_And then we'd wrap the presents and pile them under the tree, and barely get a wink of sleep, because we'd wonder what they will be!!!!!!!!!!!!!" _

"Wait, if they wrapped the presents, wouldn't they know what the presents were?" Sarah asks.

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE HIT THE EJECT BUTTON!!!!!" Eddy screams.

Double D tries to eject the film, but the EJECT button suddenly falls off the VCR. "Um, Eddy, THE EJECT BUTTON FELL OFF AND THIS MOVIE DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE AN ENDING!!!!!!!!!"

"Shhhhh!!!! Krillin is saving Christmas by giving Ichigo Kurosaki his new snowboard!"

"Ha! Ha! Now Ichigo is using it to beat up the Red Guy!" Carrie laughs.

"Oh, yeah, do you know what I think…?" Eddy asks calmly. Suddenly, Eddy pulls a gigantic, wooden mallet out of his pocket, tosses the VCR on the floor, and smashes it, along with the tape, to many tiny pieces. Ed holds the film from the tape in his hands.

"NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ICHIGO!!!!!!!!! RED GUY!!!!!!!!!!! GARFIELD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ed immediately gets a hold of himself and tosses the film over his shoulder. "Oh, well! Time for bed! You guys can stay with me tonight!"

"But it's only 7:13!" Double D exclaims.

"Oh, no! I'm sleeping in _my _bed tonight!" Sarah tries to leave Ed's room, but she is stopped by her older brother.

"Oh, don't be that way, baby sister! I already have a place for you to sleep!" Ed points to a sleeping bag lying under his table.

"Gee, thanks Ed!" Sarah says sarcastically as she crawls inside her sleeping bag. "You fatheads better not wake me up, or else!"

"Double D can sleep on my chair!"

"Why, thank you, Ed!" Double D sits in Ed's blue recliner and lays back to relax when he suddenly feels something slimy on his hand. He lifts it only to find his hand covered in old bubble gum. Double D screams.

"And I'll sleep with Carrie!" Eddy declares. "Where is she sleeping?" He watches as Carrie crawls underneath Ed's bed.

"Did Carrie actually crawl under Ed's bed!? SO UNSANITARY!!!!!!"

"Um, on second thought, I'll sleep…"

"…on this army cot!" Ed pulls a cart out of his closet and unfolds it. Eddy lays down on it. Eddy is almost asleep when something pokes him in the face. Eddy groans swats something that feels like a hand. Eddy's almost asleep again when he's poked again. Annoyed, Eddy rolls over and is met with Ed's face. Eddy screams in surprise.

"Eddy, I can't sleep! I keep wondering what those presents will be!"

Carrie crawls out from under the bed and says, "Me, too!"

"Well, one of them is a box of Lego's, and there's a bag of socks in the other, some sort of manga about pirates…"

"EDDY!!!! You're not supposed to tell!"

"And, as I recall, there's a box of fishing lures." Double D adds.

Sarah rolls over and says, "You forgot about the rubber chicken and light saber."

"SARAH!!!! DOUBLE D!!!!!!!! YOU'RE RUINING IT FOR EVERYONE!!!!!"

"Uh, Earth to Monobrow!!!!! You and Carrie are the only ones who don't know what they are!!!!"

"Well, we didn't know until _Double D_ ruined it!!!!" Carrie glares at Double D.

"Me!? But I was just…" Suddenly, everyone hears footsteps on the roof.

Carrie gasps and Ed exclaims, "IT'S SANTA CLAUS!!!!!!!"

"No it isn't, you idiot! Someone's on the roof!" Sarah snaps.

"Oh, dear! It might be a prowler!"

"I hope it's not Dorothy trying to stalk you again, Double D," Eddy says.

"If it isn't Santa, then who is it?" Carrie asks. She looks at Ed, but he just shrugs. The two of them think for a moment.

"Oh, I know! It's either Ichigo or the Red Guy trying to pull a fast one on us! It's too early for Santa to come!"

"Yeah, _WAY_ too early!!!!" Sarah remarks.

"Ed, the Red Guy isn't real! He's just some insane cartoon character who doesn't wear pants!!!!"

"Okay, then Mister Smarty Pants, tell me who that is in the window!" Ed points to his window. Everyone looks and sees a red face staring back at them. It has pointy, horn-like ears, yellow eyes, and a huge nose.

"HOLY CRUD!!!! THERE IS A RED GUY!!!!!!" Eddy exclaims. Sarah screams and Carrie loses focus.

"Well, hellooooo! It's me, IVAN PANCED!!!!!! I was just trying on my new pants and thought I might…"

"Take this, you pantsless freak!!!!" Sarah picks up some of the presents (that Carrie and Ed _still _have no clue what they are) and tosses them at Ed's window. The presents shatter the glass and hit the Red Guy right in the face.

"Ouch," he groans as he falls to the ground. The Eds, Carrie, and Sarah run outside and surround the unconscious Red Guy.

"Oh, my gosh! Sarah killed the Red Guy!!!!" Ed shouts.

"You jerk!" Carrie snaps.

"That's the last time I wear pants!" The Red Guy yells as he stands back up. He takes off his plaid pants and buttwalks away.

"Bye, bye!" Carrie says, waving at him.

"That's so unsanitary!"

Eddy picks up the pants and begins to search his pockets. "Maybe he left his wallet in here…darn! There's nothing but a stupid card!" Double D takes the card from his friend's hand.

"Hmm, it reads: IN PUTTING ON MY PANTS AND LEARNING TO BUTTWALK, THE WEARER WAIVES ANY AND ALL RIGHTS TO THE PREVIOUS IDENTITY, REAL OR IMPLIED, AND FULLY ACCEPTS THE DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE RED GUY UNTIL A TIME COMES THAT THE WEARER IS UNABLE TO DO SO EITHER BY ACCIDENT OR DESIGN."

"COOL!!!! Put on his pants, Eddy!"

"Heck, no! I don't know where those things have been! They might be diseased!"

"I'm going to bed." Sarah walks back inside and goes back to sleep.

"I guess it isn't Christmas after all…" Carrie says sadly, looking down at her feet.

"Thank goodness!" Double D says.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted…" Ed adds.

Carrie pulls out a noisemaker and shouts, "IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE!!!!!!!!!!"

A large sweat drop goes down both Eddy and Double D's head as they watch Ed and Carrie dance around in circles like fools, spinning noisemakers and blowing horns.

"Here we go again…" Double D says.

"I'm starting to wish they still thought it was Christmas…" Eddy adds as Carrie and Ed go back into Ed's bedroom, turn on all the lights, and turn on some music.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ed, Edd n Eddy's Crazy Holiday Tales**

**Ch. 2: "Tapeworm" pt. 1**

Last night the cold December wind brought the first snow of the season to the cul-de-sac. Local residents have certainly taken notice, Kevin has traded in his bike for a snowboard, Sarah and Jimmy are making snow angels, and the Eds…hey, where are those three?

Double D pokes his head up out from behind a snow-covered bush. He lifts his hand up, a snowball clenched tight in its fist, when out of nowhere, a stray snowball strikes him right in the face, knocking his earmuffs off. Eddy jumps out of the trash can wielding two more snowballs and charges at his stunned friend when he's suddenly buried in snow. Eddy sticks his head out of the pile of snow and sees Ed holding a snow shovel.

"Ha, ha! I got you good, Eddy!" Eddy tunnels under the snow and hides behind Double D's bush.

Without warning, the three-haired Ed-boy and brainy Ed-boy leap out of the bush throwing snowballs everywhere and screaming, "ATTACK!!!!!!!!!" Ed uses his shovel to block the frozen assault.

"Ha, missed me!" Ed gloats. Eddy silences him by hitting him right in the mouth with a snowball.

"Who's laughing now, Monobrow?" Ed rolls a wad of snow in his head and tosses it at his short friend, but Eddy ducks and the snowball hits May's window making a loud thud. Carrie's face appears in the window and she runs out the door.

"I WANT TO PLAY TOO!!!!" She screams.

"Hey, Sockhead, let's team up on Ed and Carrie!"

"Okay, Eddy!" Double D follows Eddy behind the wooden fence.

"Looks like you're on my team, Carrie."

"Yay! What do I do?"

"Can you make a snowball?"

"Um, no, not really. I can make snow cream, snow pie, and snow pudding though," Carrie answers.

"Okay, all you do is roll some snow in your hand and throw it at someone!"

"You mean like this?" Carrie makes a snowball and hits a tall, muscular man in the face. He's bald and is wearing a leopard-skin loincloth.

"Hey, who threw that?!" He yells angrily. Ed hides his head in the snow and Carrie walks up to him nonchalantly.

"Hi, mister, can I have my snowball back?"

"Tapeworm!? Is that you!?" The guy wraps his arms around Carrie's neck and crushes her. "How ya been, Tapeworm? Oh, it feels like it's been years."

"Uh, who are you?"

"You haven't changed a bit, huh Tapeworm? You still can't remember anything past a few hours ago. I'm the strong man from your dad's circus. Hey, guys! I found Tapeworm!!!!"

Ed comes out of hiding and sees this scene. He runs away in fear screaming, "Someone help! Carrie's being attacked by a giant hairless gorilla!!!" May hears Ed from inside her house.

"Ugh, how many times must I tell Carrie not to bother the animals at the zoo?" May puts her coat on and runs out the door. "Don't panic, Carrie, I'm coming!"

Carrie runs up to May with the guy and a few others. "Hey, May! Look who came to visit!"

"Carrie, I don't mean to disappoint you, but none of these people look like your aunt…"

"No, silly, this is Strong Guy, Snake Woman, Needle Man, and Beardy the Kid!" She points to each of the other three. One is a woman covered in scales; the other has needles sticking out of his face, and the last one is a five-year old kid with a beard. "They work at my dad's traveling carnival!"

"Let me explain," Strong Guy says. "Carrie's dad went to India to poach; um I mean, buy some more animals for his carnival, so we decided to visit Tapeworm for the holidays while he was gone."

Ed bumps into Strong Guy screaming and flailing his arms. "Hey, wait a minute! You're not a gorilla!"

Eddy and Double D emerge from their hiding places.

"Hey, what's taking you two? We have a game to finish!" Eddy shouts. "Hey, who are you freaks?"

"Eddy, don't be rude!"

"These guys work for my dad in his carnival! They're um, Strong person, um, Snake-man, and the other two."

At first, the group of carnies don't look happy with the names Carrie just gave them, but then they burst out laughing.

"It's good to see that Tapeworm still hasn't changed a bit since her dad sent her out on her own!" Needle Man says.

"Tapeworm?" May asks.

"Yeah, we've called her that ever since the first day we met her," Needle Man answers.

"Yeah, she was only five years old then!" Snake Woman adds. "That was the day she ate an entire hay bail for the elephants, all the cotton candy, and all the money the boss earned that day!"

"We chased her around the carnival all day, but we could never catch her!" Strong Man says. "Back then, she was a genius!" Everyone's mouth drops to the ground. Dorothy, who had been sitting on the roof the whole time, jumps down in front of the group.

"What's this about Carrie being a genius?" She asks.

"Yeah, the smartest thing I've ever seen Carrie do is avoid Sarah!" Eddy says.

"It's true! Only, we didn't find out until later when we saw her eat one of the boss's lion whips."

"And how does that make Carrie a genius?" Double D asks.

"We don't know, kid!" Needle Man snaps. "We're just carnival workers!"

"Yeah, the smartest person here barely passed kindergarten with a D minus," Snake Woman says.

"Anyway, we just thought we'd see if Tapeworm was doing okay after her dad couldn't afford to feed her anymore and steal stuff, um, I mean spend the holidays with her and her friends," Strong Guy says.

Double D pulls Eddy away. "Eddy, I have a bad feeling about these guys. Carnival workers can be quite dishonest and they smell funny."

"You have a bad feeling about everything, Double D. Quit being pess…pess, oh, what's that word?"

"Pessimistic?"

"Yeah, that word. You need to lighten up."

"But still, I think I'll warn the others…"

"Oh, my gosh, it's Double D!!!!!!" a feminine voice screeches from across the street.

"Let's steal his hat!!!!!" Double D turns around and sees a crowd of Double D fangirls running at him.

"RUN AWAY!!!!!!" Double D runs away as fast as his short legs could carry him. Dorothy hears the commotion, and starts chasing the fangirls.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!! HE BELONGS TO ME!!!!!!!!" The carnies, Eddy, and May all sweat drop.

"Anyway, when we were doing a show in Chicago, we all did a few extra jobs and earned enough money to buy this." Needle Man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a shrunken monkey head. "This is for you, Tapeworm!"

"Yay, I've always wanted a shrunken monkey head, but May would always tell me that they're a waste of money! Thank you, pointy man!"

"If you pull its tongue, it screams!" Beardy the kid adds.

"Oh, great, now I have to live with a screaming monkey head in my house!" May remarks sarcastically.

"We also got a present for your new friend, um, Grimy, yeah! Could you tell us where he lives so we can, um, give it to him, Tapeworm?" Strong Guy asks.

"Sure! He's in Ed's house watching TV." Carrie points in the direction of Ed's house.

"Thanks, Tapeworm! C'mon, let's go pay ol' Grimy a visit!"

The gang of carnies walks into Ed's house and find Grim sitting on the couch eating Cheese Crunchies and watching TV.

"_Check it out boys! The swimsuits of the gods!" _A voice from the TV says.

"_Way cool!" _

"_They look like napkins!" _

"What is wit dis show!?" Grim screams. "De lines are all wiggly and de characters' heads look like yams!" Without warning, the carnies throw Grim into the wall and steal his scythe.

"Ha, ha, now we can steal all the money we want! All we have to do is get Tapeworm to join us again and it'll be just like old times, eh, fellows!" All the other carnies nod in agreement with Strong Guy but Snake Woman.

"Hello! I'm a girl, hence the name Snake _Woman_!!!!"

"Whatever! Let's just go get Tapeworm to join our group, or else!!!!" Needle Man says with a sneer. "We'll finally have what we've always wanted for Christmas, millions of dollars in cash!!!!!" The carnie crew goes out the door with Grim's scythe, leaving Grim laying on the ground in pieces.

"Well, dis stinks! Me scythe's been stolen by a bunch of sideshow freaks, I've got cheese snacks all over me robe, and worst of all, I can't get to de TV to watch me show!!!!!"

Well, I decided to start early with the two-shot cliffhangers, so here's one of very few that will be in this collection. What evil will the carnies unleash on Peach Creek? Will Tapeworm, I mean, Carrie join them? And how will they be stopped?! Stay tuned and find out…


	3. Chapter 3

**Ed, Edd n Eddy's Crazy Holiday Tales**

**Chapter 3: Uh, the Conclusion to "Tapeworm"! Yeah, let's go with that…**

The carnies stand at the door, holding the scythe in their hands and grinning evilly.

"Finally, we can have anything we want for Christmas!" Strong Guy says, holding the scythe.

"Make me a giant so I can take over Canada!" Beardy the Kid demands. Strong Guy points the scythe at Beardy and zaps him, sending him to the Underworld, where he is quickly eaten by a giant troll.

"Well, that could've gone better…." Needle Man states. "Maybe we should've gotten the instructions first."

"Don't worry! I'm sure Tapeworm knows how to work this thing!"

Meanwhile, Carrie is still outside with her friends.

"Hey, May, I've been thinking…"

"Carrie, don't do that!! You're gonna hurt yourself!!!!"

"Yeah, you're right! Now I have a headache!!!" Carrie rubs her head.

Eddy looks over at the carnies and sees them with Grim's scythe. "Hey, what are those circus freaks doing with bonehead's scythe?"

Carrie answers, "Maybe they need it to help Rolf shave Victor's goatee." The three remaining carnies approach Carrie.

"Hey, Tapeworm, would you like to join us on our crime spree across Peach Creek?"

Carrie thinks for a second, smiles, and says, "No, thanks! I have other things to do, like help Ed count his teeth and eating peanut butter and cheese!"

"Oh, well, what if I gave you this double cheeseburger? Would you join us then?" Needle Man waves the cheeseburger in Carrie's face.

"Well, Carrie's as good as gone!" May says.

Carrie takes the cheeseburger, crams it in her mouth, and follows the group of sideshow freaks into town. "Tapeworm, you made a wise choice! With your brains and this magic stick thing, we'll all be rich! What do ya have to say about that, Tapeworm?"

"Um, I don't know! That question is too hard for me to answer!!! Ow, my head hurts again!"

"Ed, do something! Those carnival freaks tricked Carrie into joining them in a crime spree!!!" May shouts.

"Don't worry, everybody! I know just what to do!" Ed takes two icicles hanging from his house, shoves them in his upper lip, and says, "I must have blood! Let me bite yours!"

Eddy scoops up a pile of snow, hits Ed in the face, and says to May, "Oh, yeah, why don't _you_ do something miss I-have-a-smart-brain-and-a-big-laboratory-filled-with-smart-person-stuff!?"

"Because Carrie won't listen to me! Everything I tell her goes in one ear and out the other! She'll listen to you and Ed!"

"What about Double D?" Ed asks.

"He's busy at the moment…" May points to Double D who's being chased by fangirls and Dorothy. "I have things to do at home that must be done today." May walks into her house.

"Well, Ed, I guess it's up to us to save Peach Creek. We better get paid for this! Who do we look like, the Kids Next Door?"

"I wish I was in the Kids Next Door too, Eddy, but we're too old…"

"I wouldn't join those has-beens for all the quarters in the cul-de-sac! Now, come on, Monobrow! We have work to do!"

Meanwhile, the carnies are plotting to rob the First Bank of Peach Creek.

"Okay, Tapeworm, we need a way to take care of the guard while we rob the bank." Strong Guy says. Carrie, however, has her attention focused on other things, like the Krispy Kreme donut in the guard's hand. Without warning, Carrie charges at the guard and tries to snatch the donut out of his hand with her mouth, but the officer moves his hand at the last minute and Carrie's teeth sink into his arm. The officer screams in pain and the carnies seize the opportunity.

"All right, nobody move! I have a magic stick thing and I'm not afraid to use it!" Strong Guy yells as he barges through the front door.

The bank clerk stares at him for a second, laughs, and pulls out a pistol. "Oh, yeah, well my gun is more than a match for your oversized razor!" Not in a joking mood, Strong Guy zaps the clerk, turning him into a smoldering pile of ash.

"Now, unless anyone else wants to end up like the bank clerk over there, I suggest you give us the money!"

Snake Woman suddenly grabs the scythe. "Hey, why do you get to use the scythe?"

"Because I'm the strongest and could beat any of you in an arm wrestling match!"

Needle Man then grabs the scythe. "Oh, yeah, well I think _I_ should get it! I'm the one who thought of stealing it in the first place!"

The carnies begin fighting over Grim's magic sickle. Carrie has finally wrestled the guard to the ground and is happily eating his donut and watching the fight. Eddy and Ed suddenly run through the front door.

"Carrie, are you all right!? DO YOU NEED ME TO GIVE YOU MOUTH-TO-MOUTH!!!??" Eddy asks.

"You take care of Carrie, Darth Vader, while I take care of these NesQuick drinkers!!!" Ed pulls a bowling ball out of his coat pocket and rolls it at the quarreling carnies. The ball plows into them and knocks them unconscious. "GUTTERBALL!!!!!" Ed yells as the ball ricochets off the wall and hits the angry guard in the face, just before he could beat Carrie in the head with his nightstick.

"So, Carrie," Eddy says, spraying his mouth with breath-freshener. "Are you sure you don't need mouth-to-mouth, because I can still give you…" Before Eddy can finish, a policeman clubs Eddy in the head with his nightstick.

"That'll teach ya to harass this young lady, ya perv!" The policeman yells. He then handcuffs Strong Guy, Snake Woman, and Needle Man and throws them in the trunk of his car.

"Oh, granddad, you ran another stop sign!" Eddy says woozily.

Ed reclaims Grim's scythe and shouts, "Look, Eddy! I found Skeleton Man's magical golf club! I bet he missed this while it was gone!"

"Wait, why am I at the bank? What happened to my donut!? AND WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!!!????" Carrie screams while pointing her finger at everybody in the room.

"You missed it, Carrie! Your old friends from your dad's carnival came and stole Darth Sidious' magic golf club, but I stopped them with a bowling ball, and Eddy got hit on the head!"

"Oh, wow! I miss everything!!!" Carrie whines. Dorothy walks by dragging Double D by his hat.

Ed picks up Eddy and stuffs him in one of his shoes. "Come on, Eddy, we have to return Mr. Bean's golf club, or else we won't get any candy canes!"

"Ed, you idiot, LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!" Ed ignores his friend and heads toward the cul-de-sac.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Dorothy has finally taken care of Double D's fan girl problem and is dragging him into the woods by his hat.

"No!!!! I'm too young!!!!" Double D screams in horror. "Someone help me!!!!!!" A piece of Double D's hat rips off in Dorothy's hand and he tries to escape, but Dorothy grabs him by his shirt.

"Oh, no you don't! I'm getting my Christmas present early!" Double D screams in horror.


End file.
